Today we have a guest blog from Lauren Owen:Chances are most people who are really, really good at what they do have gotten a lot of feedback along the way, not all of it good. Recent research confirms that while beginners benefit from the motivation that comes from positive feedback, people with greater expertise gain more from the negative kind.
If you've ever played a competitive sport, I am sure you had a coach or
trainer who didn't just praise you for the good stuff but was especially
adept at pointing out your deficiencies, and sometimes in not an especially diplomatic way. The better we get the more critical the feedback should be and the harder praise should be to come by.
We know that while some leaders are born, most good leaders didn't start out
that way. As in any other proficiency, there was skill development, practice, training, mentoring, coaching, and yes, some less than positive feedback, welcomed or not, that they received along the way that molded their professional development.
So why is it then that as leaders who profess to want to improve our leadership abilities, do we not actively seek out the very thing that would help us be better: feedback, both positive and negative?
For example, I'm guessing that none of us got up this this morning and said to the heavens, "Please bring a heaping boat load of negative feedback my way today AND KEEP IT COMING."
From my personal experience and my work with leaders of closely-held companies, here's my list of what stops us from seeking feedback:
I am afraid of what I might hear. We're afraid, we're very, very afraid of what we might hear. We are especially afraid to learn something new about ourselves; something that does not fit with what we already know about ourselves. We fear discovering our blind spots; the things that bother others that we didn't even knew we did.
I am content with how things are. We might not feel that we really want to take action and change. We might feel obliged to act on the feedback if we invite it and we either don't want to do anything or we don't know what to do about it.
Ego. We don't want to show our weaknesses. Doesn't being a leader mean being
strong and invulnerable? People won't want to follow me if they think I don't know what I'm doing.
I am the way I am. It's worked well for me in the past and will keep working for me in the future.
If I ask my people for feedback on my performance, it would mean I would have to provide it to them in the future as well and I don't want to do that.
Personality Type. The highly detailed, AKA Perfectionist-types, don't just dislike negative feedback, it's actually their worst fear. They are their own worst critic, so what's to be gained for asking for more? Nothing good,surely.
The highly sensitive, AKA Why Can't We All Just Get Along-types, don't like to risk offending people by giving straightforward feedback and we don't especially like getting it either.
So, there are lots of reasons why we need it and lots of reasons why we'd rather not get it. It's like trying to get more chard in our diet. We know chard is really, really good for us but it's rather an acquired taste for most. Like negative feedback, does anyone wake up craving it?
How to get more feedback Here are some ideas to get more feedback in your
life:
Like chard, find ways to sneak a little into your daily diet. Pick one thing you'd like to get better at. For example, if one of your goals is to be a better listener, ask your co-workers to tell you after every meeting how you did at.you guessed it. listening. Ask them for specific suggestions of how to improve next time. When they give you this feedback and ideas for how you can do better in the future, just listen, be open, say thank you and use their suggestions to get better next time.
And then keep asking!
Giving and receiving honest feedback is a skill like any other. You can and will improve with practice.
Get over yourself! The world will not come to an end if we hear some suggestions on how we can improve (or give some to others.)
Realize the some of the skills and behaviors that got you to your current place of success might, in fact, be the very things that will hold you back in the future. For more insights on this, read top executive coach (and our mentor) Marshall Goldsmith's insightful book, What Got You Here Won't Get You There. (This type of feedback, because it focuses on how we can improve in the future, is called feedforward. Doesn't that sound just a little more
appealing?)
Get help/Reach out! Admit you have challenges that are holding you back from being as successful as you could be and call in a professional coach with a plan and a measureable process. Make it someone you enjoy working with.
Instilling a culture of open feedback and feedforward is like injecting a good virus into your organization. Be a good role model and show your own vulnerability by encouraging feedback/feedfoward on your performance as the leader. Your people will see you making positive changes as a result, and it will have an incredibly positive impact on your entire organization. We have seen this process go viral in some of our client's organizations. It becomes all about continuously improving yourself, your company, and everyone in it.
LAUREN OWEN:
Lauren works
with businesses leaders who
want to develop and execute succession plans, sharpen their business practices,
strengthen their leadership, and create long-lasting value in their businesses. She is a certified Marshall
Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Leadership Coach. She is also a leader of the Excell Puget Sound Southend Group.
(206) 427-2856, (253) 245.3518
www.redpointcoaching.com
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