What creates quality questions?

Susan Scott in her book, Fierce Conversations, provides numerous valuable ideas and take aways.  One of her tenets is that the questions we ask (or don’t) determine the quality of our relationships. 

I am often asked, “How did you think to ask that question? It got right to the heart of the matter!” When I am in coaching/mentoring mode, there are some very important steps to achieving my results and asking the right questions. 

The steps are simple and sometimes not easy.  Step one, breath.  Step two, ask myself what is my goal/purpose here? And Step three is to ask open ended questions. 

One of my strong beliefs is that our state of mind/emotion determines the quality of our questions.  When I am stressed, I default to a narrow focus and my questions follow suit.  The result is that, in this state of mind, I am very focused and the information/feedback I receive is narrow.  What I usually want to ask are open ended questions. 

For me, the reasons that make such simple actions difficult are all internal… related to my state of being.  If I am feeling stressed due to time constraints, that I am not present (most often because I have taken on too many responsibilities); or beliefs I have that get in the way (feeling embarrassed, guilty, etc.) then it is unlikely I will be open and curious. 

Breathing and remembering why I am there (perhaps to mentor a direct report and use a recent event as a teaching moment) often makes it both simple and easy to be open and curious. 

Where do you notice your internal state getting in your way?  What is most important for you to self-manage; set your state of mind and thus ask great questions?